I want to love, fully and openly, every woman who isn’t like me, and who is exactly like me.
I’m peculiar, and only became lovable by certain women in my 23rd year. I gave up trying to be what women thought they wanted in a friend.
I don’t shut my mouth, when I love your hair, or your laugh, or the way you walk through the room with confidence I shout to you across the room about it.
Mostly because I throw my hair around like a matador conducts a red cape , I left my laugh out in the bar like an empty drink, and walk through bar like I’m walking over bodies I slayed on a battle field.
It takes so much out of me. It takes everything out of me, to shut up the voice that is a woman that isn’t nice to me. That snear’s at me in the bathroom mirror. That rejects the compliments I feel. That puts up her nose, and walks out of the room to be with someone better.
Women are flawed. We are dumb luck. We are taught by everyone and everything, even each other, not to take up space. Wait, did you read that… not to take up space.
Isn’t that horrendous, a tragedy, a fucking injustice to every woman, girl, and child?
We women are raised not to imposed on others with the physical existence of ourselves that is completely and totally out of our control.
I’m tall. I’m right at that average size for a woman, double digits but not quite what you’d want. A 12. But sometimes I’m a 14. Sometimes my chest is bigger, and the bras I have don’t fit, my ass has gotten better because im 28 and I work a desk job on the days I don’t get to tear, rip or move something.
I don’t fucking care what you think about my body. What I hope you see is that I love the cuve of neck, I love the length of my legs, and the way my wrists move. The curve of my back catches my eye. I love that I’m soft and strong. I’m tall, and you can’t dismiss me. I love how my eyes change colors when I’m happy and I’m the only one that sees it.
I hate that others expect me to be something they assume I am. I hate when people expect the world from me. I’m flawed, I’m luck, I’ve been taught by society that I shouldn’t take up room. I was taught by my parents that I deserve to be heard and help other be heard. Don’t just move up, make way for others who are with you on the lowest levels, make room for those below you.
I’m not sorry you don’t love me.
I’m just sorry we’re all taught to not trust what other people tell us. Because you know damn well that ugly voice I carry around tells me not to trust the most lovely things people have told me.
I want you to know I mean it. I really mean it. Right now. I fucking mean it.
